I was driving my new girl, Suti, around the countryside and was looking for some National Trust properties to visit with her, as I sensed that she would like that. Especially as the sun was shining and it was a warm day for looking at gardens.
"In the glove box, you'll find the National Trust manual, see if there's anything you'd like to see around here," I said to her, we were pootling along a pretty country lane.
So she did, and that's when I remembered. Funny really, it's always on my mind, but I wasn't thinking.
"Aha," she said, "you have some proper old-fashioned leather driving gloves in here, that is quaint! Do you use them?"
"No. They don't fit," I said. I thought I'd try to steer her away from the
gloves, but it was no use.
"I'll tell you the story of the gloves if you like, when we've found a place and I’ll tell you over tea in the tearoom."
"Intriguing! Tell me now!"
"No, wait until tea-time. Have a look in the book, there must be lots around here to visit."
She picked Ham House. Of course she did. This wasn't my day. When we got there I said we should look at the house, it's very interesting, but on no account get talking to the guides. They'll tell you brick by brick on how the place was constructed and all the minutiae of each and every resident. We'd be here for hours, and in any case, she'll want to know about the gloves.
So she completely ignored me, wandered off and was in a deep conversation with one of the guides when I rocked up and suggested we go to the tea-room. The guide stopped and looked at me. He recognised me from the last time I was here, what a faff.
"Hello sir, nice to see you back at Ham House, how have you been keeping?"
"You know each other?" Suti asked.
"Not really, we met some time ago, here and ..." I stuttered.
"Yes, sir, some time ago, all good now is it sir?" he wasn't letting up.
"All good, yes, all sorted out in the end, these things usually do, don't they?"
"I'm afraid I couldn't say, sir, but I am glad for you. I suggest, sir, the garden is looking particularly impressive at the moment, sir, if you get my drift?" A supercilious smile crept along his lips as he looked at me with a wonky eye.
"Sure, yes. Come on Suti, the garden now. Then tea!"
"Then tea! How exciting!" Suti seemed to be enjoying my discomfort.
~ * ~
In the tea-room I explained everything. I came here with Megan a few years ago. We weren't getting on. We had a stand-up row at the entrance to Ham House, exactly the spot where Suti and her guide were standing. The guide had to usher us outside, we were so loud. Megan was accusing me of all kinds of misdemeanours, most of which, I am sorry to say, were entirely accurate. When we were ushered out, Megan kept on walking and took the car, she had a key. I was miles from home and had to ask the guide if he had a telephone I could use to call a taxi. The guide was most helpful. Taxi cost me 165 quid. But still, I did have a soft spot for Megan and berate myself daily about it. We still keep in touch, sort of. At the time she was a Police Constable, now she is a Chief Constable, so our paths don't cross. Thankfully. Megan was the one who gave me the leather driving gloves, they didn't fit but I still kept them in the glove box. I asked Suti what she thought.
"Still hold a torch for Megan then? How long ago was this, must have been years and years?"
"Yes, years and years, sorry Suti, we were having a nice time."
"Oh, well, I'm still having a nice time, it's sunny and warm and bees are buzzing about, all very bucolic!"
"Sounds like a disease," I said, "but good, I'm glad my past hasn't caught up with me too much, apart from the guide that is."
"Silly man. He was wrong about some of the inhabitants of Ham House."
"Some? What do you mean? He's been here for years and years as well, he must know his stuff."
"You'd think, wouldn't you? But no."
"And? Aren't you going to tell me?"
"One day, perhaps, darling, one day, you'll just have to be nice to me. Today, at least."
"Of course, yes."
I was a bit confused about all this as I thought my story would really put her off being anywhere near me, instead she seemed to think it was all a bit of fun. Perhaps it was, and maybe I should lighten up. The thing is, I have a cache of stories in my head to tell whenever someone spots the driving gloves, and I was ready to tell one of them to Suti, but the true one seemed to come out. Perhaps it was the guide, maybe he'd tell on me. But he didn't know about the gloves, of course.
So here we were, in the tea-room, just smiling at each other.
"So, tell me, tell me honestly, why do you keep a pair of very old driving gloves in your newish car? Not just to remind you of Megan, surely?"
"Yes, mostly. But there is another reason I keep them and swap them from car to new car."
"Go on then!"
"Alright, but you must tell me why you think the guide isn't telling the whole truth about Ham House's residents."
"Fine, if you want to know now and not use it to reel me in later on! I had a godmother who lived here, in the grounds for a long time and she told me all about this young couple and their almighty row. My godmother didn't seem to be a resident in our guide’s spiel. I'm fairly sure she was part of the recent history of this place. Maybe she was a black sheep of the family, though I was always fascinated by her, she seemed so young and vibrant and arty and dramatic. Wild and colourful outfits and always an eye-catching hat. Maybe I'll go and ask the guide about her, see his reaction! And, just in case you were wondering, no, I didn't know it was you and the future Chief Constable who were arguing."
"Ah good, so yes, ask the guide about Auntie Flo then. I'll watch as you watched him with me!"
"Auntie Mabel. Go on then, now this is the bit where you tell me about the gloves and the frightful Megan!"
"It is this. What you see before you is obviously not a man getting any younger. One day, not too distant future, I may be able to put them on. They'll fit. That's what I keep them there for."